After years of people telling me that I should write a book, I've finally started. It's a crazy process, really. I always thought that if I did decide to write one, it would be about my entire life and I never felt that I'd be able to actually do that. This, though... this is just about the years with my ex. At first I was worried that there wouldn't be enough to write about, but once I started I just couldn't stop.

The last week has been hard... harder than I thought it would be actually. I always act as though my past is behind me and nothing ever bothers me, but that's so far from the truth. Every day is a struggle so when my PTSD is triggered or something from my past comes back to haunt me, it's more than a struggle... it feels almost impossible to keep going.

Whenever I think the fight is through, something else happens and reminds me that this fight never ends. Living with PTSD and navigating through trauma is a never-ending rollercoaster. One day you're up up up... and then something happens and you come hurtling back to earth.

Over the last 2 days, I've been feeling very violated... as if someone peeked into my life without permission. It's a difficult thing to grapple with and it's caused me to have to retreat a bit and reevaluate the things I share publicly. I never want to stop writing and sharing my stories because they not only help me, but help others as well. So how do I continue without backing myself into a corner again?

Oh, hi! Welcome to the renewed blog. If you're reading this, thank you for sticking by me. I started this blog because I wanted a place that I could work out all of the things floating around in my brain and maybe help some people along the way. I've definitely been through enough in my 36 years that I have plenty of first-hand experience. This writing was never meant to be something that I use to insult, drag, or in any other way demonize other people.

This is not my story to tell. That's what I said to a friend yesterday that opened up one of the most honest conversations I've had with someone in recent memory. The following is being shared with permission.